I'm in a running slump right now. Running makes me very very happy. And so why am I sitting here in my desk chair writing instead of lacing up?
As March drags on, refusing to let go of winter, I sit. I love running in cold weather. But months of winter coats and boots. Months of high oil bills and dry skin and never being quite warm and nursing a parade of winter illnesses. And buried in unfinished paperwork and projects from life and job. So much to do that finding the real starting place requires the kind of focus that eludes me right now. So I pick away at the small pieces, checking off items on my to-do list and stuffing the larger vision--and the joy that brings--to the back of my mind.
There is a nagging pain in my hip, confirming yet again that I need to strengthen my hip flexors. I refuse to believe that is true. I run marathons--how could anything about my legs be weak?! Or do I believe it, but am unwilling to do what is necessary to strengthen it? Fear of success? Fear that I just might get faster and win some races if I actually worked on it instead of relying on my modest talent for running faster than the average person? Laziness?
Friends and colleagues know I am a distance runner. They also know that I am the CEO of a national non-profit organization, have two young children and another just finishing college and heading to graduate school, travel frequently for my job, am married to a man who also has a demanding career, and have a big house in Brooklyn that requires a lot of attention. They find it hard to believe that I am lazy. And after I say it, I feel pretty foolish myself. Like whining about my problems of privilege when there are real problems in the world.
Why begin this chronicle? Four years ago I began running as an antidote to the mommy-career slump in which I found myself. Very real changes in my body and mind followed as I discovered: 1) I had something of a talent; 2) it quickly transformed from exercise to my sanity as the miles melted away worries, generated ideas, and put my mind in a far easier place; 3) through my words, I inspired others to start running or just view their lives and choices differently. All of that felt great.
So these words are for me. If they resonate, they are for you too. No matter where I am in life or what I have accomplished, making the next leap to the next level of success doesn't get easier. Publicly stating my running goals four years ago helped me to stick to them. Writing now will move me to the next plateau or mountaintop. And if I write in such a way that you can see a bit of yourself and are inspired to envision more, I'm truly honored.
